A lot of people at work are starting to find out I'm pregnant (at almost 19 weeks). I told my boss and close co-worker (right around the 3 month mark) but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone else. I was hoping the rumor mill would work it's magic and people would find out on their own. And they are, which brings on a lot of congratulations. For some reason everytime someone congratulates me I find myself saying "oh, thanks, I'm not really on board yet". Then I feel horrible for saying that because no one knows how to respond. But for some reason I just blurt it out. Why do I feel the need to tell them how I really feel. Everyone responds with, "wow, you're really honest". I don't mean to be cruel or too honest, but I can't seem to stop with just a "thank you".
I've found that the actual act of telling people our news is extremely hard. I go to the same hair stylist as a close friend. My friend told the stylist that I was pregnant, which I don't mind at all, but the fact was I had just been to the stylist and hadn't said a word to her. My friend told her that I would probably be waddling in there at 9 months pregnant and still not say anything. Which is so very true! I can't seem to get the words out to people. Why is that so hard for me to say. I feel so awkward. I think in a way it's like I'm asking for people to get all excited for me and cater to me. And that's not what I want.
And I'm just not really excited over most of this baby stuff. Why, I don't know. My aunt was asking me if I have been talking to the baby or singing to it....No? Should I be, am I a bad mom b/c I don't really acknowledge it? The only thing I have done is sit for hours, extremely still, trying to feel this kid move! I think there have been times I have felt it, but it was just a flutter and the more I don't feel it the more paranoid I become that something is wrong. Sometimes knowing too much of this biology stuff can be bad.
Please don't take my ramblings wrong. I have no ill feelings toward the baby, it's just the being pregnant part I'm not all that excited about.
So, from now on I will try not to be so honest and take peoples congratulations with a simple thank you.
호빠왕한테서 호스트바 구인구직을 해보세요
8 years ago
3 comments:
sweetie i commend you for being so honest! there's no perfect cookie-cutter experience that you are required to fit inside with all of this you know :) contrary to what most people think/do, this is YOUR special, unique time. and the fact that you can be authentically you instead of putting on a fake smile and nodding your way thru it...well, my humble opinion is that you're miles ahead of the rest of us in that!
someone once told me that the best part of a wedding is the marriage. and i feel like the same is true of pregnancy. the baby is most definitely the best part...and you'll have years and years of time to savor and enjoy. pregnancy is a crap-shoot for sure and i am so sorry that you were dealt such a tough one :)
ps...don't worry, you're right on the verge of the feelings going from flutters to kung-fu kicks in the middle of the night! :)
Don't worry, I somewhat understand. I couldn't call Jax by his name until he was born...I kept thinking this isn't real or maybe it was because I was worried something bad would happen before he got here and I wouldn't let myself get too excited. As far as the kicking, it didn't happen to me until week 21 and then he never stopped especially in the middle of the night so enjoy the quiet right now because pretty soon your whole world will be turned upside down....in a good way :)
It took me a while to really begin to acknowledge it as well. I couldn't describe it but it is how I felt...and when I did begin to share the news, I was embarrased...didn't want people making a big deal out of it (I do not like to be the center of attention). I think it's hormones, mixed with your personal emotions/personality. I think we all go through it, at some point during our pregnancies. We're still praying for you three. :)
Oh, and please keep being you...honest. I remember reading a friends blog. She questioned her honesty about how challenging her one year old son was when other mom's were talking about how "good" their babies were, never mentioning the bad stuff. I loved her honesty about it all...helped me get ready for our little handful!
You're doing great! Ok, I'm done! :)
:)Steph
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